As American troops sank deeper into the Iranian meat grinder and gas prices hit the “just walk everywhere” phase of the apocalypse, President Trump secured a decisive victory in Tuesday’s Indiana Republican primary, which drew only 41 voters.

The results affirmed his viselike grip on the sliver of MAGA loyalists willing to show up and punish state lawmakers who declined to redraw congressional maps to his specifications. Trump-backed challengers, each awarded an Oval Office photo op, defeated five incumbents. One lost by 52 points, a margin reserved for participation trophies.

Analysts called the upsets “extremely meaningful to the 19 people who care” and “a dire warning that Trump can still rally enough freaks to destroy a mid-level nobody’s career.”

At press time, a raccoon in Terre Haute had unionized the local dumpsters—the only consequential political organizing in Indiana that day.